We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
