you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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