When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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