I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
pray to the hookup gods
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
