The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
