you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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