So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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