If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
