I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
