I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
