i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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