so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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