just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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