I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize