take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
