so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
