Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
it's great music for shaving your balls
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
