She said her name was "party"
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize