I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
