he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
