I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
