Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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