I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
