Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Two words: blizzard sex
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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