you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
