Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I wear drunk well.
Randomize