He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
