goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
