Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
