someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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