how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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