I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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