You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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