Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
