All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
