That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
