I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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