you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
