She is in my trunk
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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