thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
