You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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