Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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