so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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