so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize