i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
