Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
