i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
