Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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