I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
