just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
