I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
