I wish I only lived at night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
