I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
