Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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