He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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