Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Im part way to drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
