you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wish they made helmets for livers.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
