Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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