ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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