"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I can feel your judgement through the phone
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
