Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just cropdusted the office
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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