so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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