I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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