he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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