turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
