I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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