Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
