So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
