Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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