I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
