mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
