His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
