their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
