They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
