Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
