just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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