I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
