I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just pee around me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
