My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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