What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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