I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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