dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
