Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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