i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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