I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
