Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
