ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm always down for nudity.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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