so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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