i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
