I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
