I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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