I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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