ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
