Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
