so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
me + whiskey = a bad person
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
