Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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