you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
should my penis look like a turkey
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
