I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize